So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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