Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
