Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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