I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
