he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
