Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
