She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Your penis caused this!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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