i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need to calm my uterus...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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