She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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