I heard we made out
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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