her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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