My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Damn victory sex feels great
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
