OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
