how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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