i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
