then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
