it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
