how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
