I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
