Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
