We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
