I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
