just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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