I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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