last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
