My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
