dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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