He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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