I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
