So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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