Farmville is her only friend.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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