I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
