There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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