he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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