You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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