I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
