and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
