Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
