I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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