then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
