two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
