I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
