I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The Olympian is in my bed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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