also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
