I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
