I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
