Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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