How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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