Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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