my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
