Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
