It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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