One girl and one boy is just not enough.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
