I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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