Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
