Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
