I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
