You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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