The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
