is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
