i dont even know how to be here
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
