Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
