if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
