Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
