im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
