I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
