This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
