Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
