I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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