I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
