dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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