dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
