I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
