You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
