if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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