A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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