Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
