If that was your dad, he is hot
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
