There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
