I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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