Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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