The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize