you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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