I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize