He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
