I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize