My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
