You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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