I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
