Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
