just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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