I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
