1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
