worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
